#6 – VIRTUE

Here’s the thing about virtue – it’s messy. It doesn’t matter how long I take trying to figure out what it actually means, because I will never come to a definition that everyone can agree on. What I consider virtuous might make you roll your eyes, and vice versa. That’s the tricky part about trying to define moral excellence is determining – whose version are we using?

Take a conversation with a friend, for example—something like, should you always tell the truth, even if it might hurt someone? Maybe your friend’s all in on radical honesty, while you feel like sometimes a little kindness is more important than being brutally honest. You might not agree, and that’s okay. It’s those kinds of conversations that get me thinking about what it really means to practice virtue. Maybe being a good person isn’t about always having the right answers. Maybe it’s more about wrestling with the hard questions and doing your best to live by the truths that feel real to you.

I’m not really trying to pin virtue to anyone’s specific spirituality here. What really matters is that, at its core, virtue is about building habits and qualities that make you a better person—and hopefully make the people around you a little better too. It’s about turning into someone you’d actually want to hang out with.

Acta, non verba (Actions, not words.) 

I love this Latin phrase because it slices right through all the overthinking. Want to be virtuous? Don’t tell me—show me. Not with a post, meme or a quote, but through how you actually live.

My (Unscientific) Guide to living virtue

1. Start with not being a hypocrite. This one hits close to home—I’ve 100% been guilty. I’ve told my children to get off their phones while I’m literally scrolling through mine, not even looking up when someone’s talking to me. Even Jesus called this out 2,000 years ago – something about taking the log out of your own eye before worrying about the speck in someone else’s. Bottom line? It’s not “do as I say,” it’s “do as I do.”
2. Figure out what actually matters to you. I chased a few admin jobs because that’s what I thought successful people were supposed to do. But along the way, I realized what really lights me up is spending time with family and actually enjoying life. It took me longer than I’d like to admit to start making choices that reflected that. For me, it’s all about work-life balance—building a life that doesn’t just look good on paper but actually feels right. Sit down and honestly ask yourself what brings you joy and purpose. Then start making decisions based on those answers, not what you think you’re supposed to want.
3. Set goals that don’t make you groan. Every New year’s I would set these big, vague goals like “get healthier,” and then I’d wonder why I’d already given up by February. These days, I keep it specific and doable. Instead of “exercise more,” I commit to “20 minutes on the treadmill each day.” Turns out, a goal without a plan really is just a wish
4. Invest in people who invest in you. Life’s too short to hang around energy drainers. Don’t stress over what people think—especially the ones you wouldn’t even ask for advice. I’ve gotten way better at surrounding myself with people who genuinely want to see me win, and honestly, it’s changed everything. But those kinds of relationships don’t just happen—you’ve got to show up, be there, and actually care about what’s going on in their lives too.
5. Practice gratitude but don’t be one of those overly positive people who pretend everything’s perfect when it’s not—that kind of vibe can really drain you. Instead, try something simple you can actually stick to, like mentally noting three good things from your day before you go to sleep. It could be something small, like that first hit of espresso in the morning, or something big, like my daughter sharing news about her internship. Doing this helps shift your focus from what’s missing to what’s actually there.
6. Take care of yourself like you matter. Self-care isn’t selfish—you can’t pour from an empty cup. So make sure you’re getting enough sleep. Move your body, even if it’s just taking a few extra laps around the block when you check the mail. Cut out the foods that leave you feeling bad. And find a church community that clicks with your values and interests—then get involved. You don’t have to dive in all at once, but you’ll find people where your circles overlap.
7. Stay curious and humble. (Ted Lasso rule) Keep widening those circles. The second you think you’ve got everything figured out is the moment you stop growing. Stay curious about people who see the world in a totally different way—especially when it challenges what you believe. There’s always something new to learn if you’re paying attention. Stay open to new experiences, ideas, and perspectives. And never act like you know it all—because no one does.
8. Do something bigger than yourself. This doesn’t have to be grand gestures or have to be big or flashy. What really matters is doing them because they genuinely mean something to you—not because you want praise or attention. People can spot fake kindness from a mile away, and it never feels good. But when you help simply because you can—because you notice someone’s need and want to meet it—that’s when real connection happens. The secret is doing it because it truly matters, not because it makes you look good. Trust me, people always know the difference.

At the end of the day, I think we can all agree on a truth that virtue isn’t some end goal you eventually reach – it’s something you keep working at, even on the tough days. Some days go smoother than others, but they all matter. And in reality, everyone’s journey toward purpose and fulfillment looks a little different – and that’s totally okay

Sometimes we need to hit the reset button and give ourselves permission to start fresh on the path to virtue—which takes patience, not just from us but from the people around us too. Luckily, patience is a virtue itself. It’s one of those timeless qualities that’s easier said than done but totally worth working on. Patience means staying calm and steady, even when things get frustrating or slow. It reminds me of the song “Patience” by Guns N’ Roses – where Axl’s whole vibe is about stepping back, giving things time, and not rushing.